Electronic Spring 2023 | Issue 54

Mental Health and M2 Year

by Seerat Dhindsa, OMS-II

Isolation and guilt can be unfortunate side effects of the second year of medical school (M2 year). The study hours run rampant, especially as spring approaches and board examination season approaches with it. A post-boards life is simultaneously the light at the end of the tunnel and unfathomable. For those who do not have flourishing support systems - or those who may face obstacles in protecting their time and well-being due to socioeconomic, personal, or cultural barriers - existing through this experience can quickly become overwhelming. For those with support, the guilt accompanying maintenance of relationships compounds upon the ever-present study guilt. Activities and special events with family and friends are often missed, and true understanding of our niche experience is difficult to find outside of the medical school world.

Being seen by others has never been more vital, which is why I have gathered some quotes from my peers hoping to offer greater community. The question posed is simple, but necessary:

How are you?

“I’m feeling torn. It was a tough quarter and I know I should spend time relaxing, but when I do I feel guilty not studying for boards because I know I’m very behind.”

“I haven’t been able to answer that question in a few months. I usually just say “I’m okay” or “I’m surviving” which just doesn’t encompass how I’m feeling. We take exam after exam without much time to emotionally recover. It can feel like you’re holding it in to survive the next exam or next obstacle. This year, with the added workload of boards, I don’t even get a chance to even recognize how I’m feeling. I feel like one of those toy cars that’s been wound up but hasn’t been put on a flat surface in months. There is a part of me that thinks it’s not something I have a right to complain about since this is the expectation for what it’s like to be in medical school. You’ll feel guilty for not seeing loved ones and you’ll feel more guilt for seeing loved ones when you should be studying. “I’m surviving” is the long story short version of how I’m doing.”

“I feel extremely lucky to have a great support system, including my friends in school; they make it almost impossible to stay sad about anything despite how grueling this journey is.”

“I truly haven’t felt ‘myself’ for a long time and that seems to be what I struggle with the most during medical school. 90% of my conversations are about school or exams or boards. I no longer have hobbies or interests that I can be proud to say makes me…me. As much supportive resources and transparency amongst other students are helpful, to an extent it usually boils down to “you’re not alone in your struggles and this time is temporary”, which is almost invalidating to hear that I’m supposed to feel this way. It took some time to pinpoint what exactly it was about medical school that made me feel so unsettled and I’ve come to realize it was losing my sense of individualism, which is compounded even more by being told that everyone else feels this way too.”

“I feel like my mental health was actually better this year compared to last year because I figured out how to study and found the material more interesting. And most importantly, I stopped comparing myself to everyone else because I was more confident in my studying methods. However, I did experience some challenging times this year; school gets even harder when life circumstances interfere with your studies, and you have to put everything aside and keep studying.”

“M2 year has been difficult for many reasons, but mostly because of the study guilt. Even when you don’t have stuff to do for class there’s boards studying this year. I’ve had a really hard time doing other essential things, like sleeping and eating and working out, without feeling guilty that I’m not studying. That has taken a huge toll on me mentally.”

“I feel like M2 is mostly a game of catch up and then being okay with taking time off every now and then. I’m so used to being either mentally or physically fatigued that I find myself unhappy or finding fault in myself for little things. But the silver lining is that I’ve put a lot more importance into grounding myself which is something I’ve never done before!”

“Breaks are bittersweet because you remember how good it feels to spend time being who you want and doing what you want - and then it’s going to be taken away from you in a week. It makes me lose motivation for the future sometimes.”

“I’d say I feel best on the days when I can be with my peers! Nowadays with most people not attending lectures/studying by themselves, it can be really isolating to grind all day, every day. Being around classmates that understand the unique challenges makes me feel less alone and gives me a sense of community to keep going.”

These quotes are not meant to cast negativity upon medical education, but rather to highlight that we as a community can empathize with one another and find support in that empathy. While our experiences are unique, there is strength in speaking openly about the isolation, lack of individuality, and guilt that can plague M2 year.

So, for whoever needs to hear it… You are doing your best. You are capable. You are someone outside of school, even if it doesn’t feel like it right now. You have value, and you are certainly not alone.